New Labour pack turn on each other.(Column)

Byline: PETER MCKAY

WHEN Chancellor Gordon Brown dropped his 'it's so unfair' bombshell about Oxford rejecting clever state school pupil Laura Spence, we were told he had Tony Blair's full backing.

The Financial Times reported on Saturday that the Spence story was seen in Westminster as a 'cost-free' opportunity to divert attention from Tory initiatives on pensions, asylum seekers, and law and order.

It didn't quite turn out to be cost-free, though. A deluge of criticism descended on Mr Brown and the Government.

Yesterday, we were told - surprise, surprise - that Mr Blair did not support Mr Brown. The PM's official spokesman said: 'Despite everything that has been said, Gordon did not tell Tony that he was going to make an issue of Laura Spence.

'The whole thing spun out of control. Tony feels it looks as though we are going back to the bad old days when Labour was in the trenches fighting the class war.

'We've left that sort of thing behind us, but Gordon doesn't seem to have got the message and Tony has reminded him of it.' You can't get much more insulting than 'Gordon doesn't seem to have got the message and Tony has reminded him of it', can you? Gordon Brown's reputation as a shrewd politician is destroyed at a stroke. He has been slapped down like an insolent schoolboy.

Suddenly, the smooth, untroubled facade crumbles. The Minister who never puts a foot wrong reveals himself as a cynical class warrior who thinks you can get the voting troops back on side with a spot of rabble-rousing.

But his class hatred is so crude that the Prime Minister has to have him put down publicly. How could Mr Brown have been so 'off message' he did not know his ploy would offend Mr Blair?

Mr Blair got offended only when he saw the whirlwind of negative publicity Mr Brown had attracted to Labour. He would have said nothing to contradict Mr Brown if the Chancellor's statement had gone un-remarked.

The episode reveals again the shallowness of this Government. It still has a big opinion poll lead but the merest hint of a Tory revival and it begins to act like a pack of starving rats in the sack, eating each other alive.

THE longest commercial on TV is transmitted by the BBC - a video of the Lou Reed song Perfect Day, performed by a host of singers, including Sir Elton John, David Bowie and Tom Jones. At the end of this seemingly interminable production, a caption declares that the BBC is great because of the way it is funded. In other words, let's keep the licence fee.

I wonder if the stars who gave their time and talent to this production knew it would be used by BBC executives as part of their campaign to retain the licence fee. It seems unlikely. Shouldn't those who think the licence fee is a rip-off which has had its day deserve a musical right of reply?

POLICE looking for Jill Dando's killer interviewed a string of men thought to have had an 'unhealthy' interest in the TV star.

Some were traced via the internet and a website featuring Miss Dando. One man had downloaded hundreds of Dando photos into his computer.

Creepy, isn't it? Our relative prosperity has produced a vast herd of shifty nerds sitting at home, or in offices, flicking through computer files.

Every scientific advance has its downside, its unintended consequence. The internet has given us electronic peeping toms.

Scandal? Well, it's Hurley days yet TWO years ago, William Annesley, a seedy English public schoolboy living in California, sold a kiss-'n'-tell story to the News Of The World about himself and Liz Hurley.

Caddishly, he described their nights of passion.

Last year, a girlfriend of Mr Annesley, Charlotte Lewis, told the whole story again. She added that she'd found Miss Hurley's pyjamas in her bed.

If Mr Annesley has parents, perhaps they could be persuaded to tell, from their point of view, 'how our son came to shack up with Liz Hurley'.

Maybe Mr Annesley's old headmaster could supply a piece on 'why we never imagined William would share a bed with Liz'.

Obviously this well-flogged dead horse still has some life left in it.

Speedy way to cut crime

AS I turned into our village the other evening, the smart black saloon behind me erupted in blue lights. An unmarked police car. I stopped my motorbike, took off my helmet and prepared to be polite.

The policeman said: 'Tell me about your ride along the B430 from Weston-on-the-Green to Middleton Stoney.' Resisting the temptation to ask which particular aspect of the ride he had in mind - 'lovely evening for a spin, very scenic road' - I replied: 'My speed, you mean?' We had a civilised conversation about the dangers of speeding on back roads and, thoroughly chastened, I promised to mend my ways. Would that all encounters with speed-watching policemen were like this.

Speeding is a serious matter but the police seem obsessed with motoring crime. It's easy to see why, when criminal convictions are hard to obtain in more serious crimes.

Motorists carry their ID on number plates and driving licences.

They usually plead guilty. They're no trouble at all. Imagine how fulfilled the bobby who collared 83 speeders in 70 minutes felt.

charcoal suited . . .

MY LATEST acquisition is a 'hot hostess trolley' for the garden. Ideal for barbecues, the slatted tray is removable and there are three slots for wine bottles below.

As I carried it proudly to the car, I imagined my 13-year-old daughter appearing with it on a 2060 edition of Antiques Roadshow. The presenter, after a cursory examination: 'Homebase, Bicester branch, May 2000, I'd say.

You can tell by the marks.

'In fair condition, considering its age. Probably cost [pounds sterling]40 or so new; now quite worthless but a great memento of a parent who, as we can tell from the scorch marks, had great fun with his barbecue.'

Mohamed unmasked

HIS FACE covered by a red mask, the pop star Michael Jackson is pictured with Harrods boss Mohamed Al Fayed. We are told Mr Jackson spent [pounds sterling]100,000 in the shop buying presents for Elizabeth Taylor, who, as everyone knows, is rather short of trinkets.

But there was no explanation for the mask. Did he feel he'd catch germs from Mr Al Fayed? Surely not. The Egyptian haberdasher is even more fanatical about his health than Mr Jackson. He surrounds himself with burly bodyguards and wears a mask in the vicinity of his helicopter to guard against fumes.

Mr Jackson and Mr Al Fayed certainly make a charming pair, don't they?

Which is the madder, would you say? There can't be much in it.

No demands means no love

THAT old goat Richard Harris says of his three grownup sons, Damien, Jered and Jamie, and ten-year-old granddaughter Ella: 'I'm a funny old dad. I love them with a passion, but my attitude is I don't demand anything from them and they don't demand anything from me.' Sounds sensible until you think about it. If there are no demands on either side, it doesn't sound a very passionate love.

LABOUR'S choice of candidate for the Tottenham by-election next month reveals the party's true class preferences.

The leadership's favourite, 27-year-old David Lanney, defeated Sharon Grant, widow of MP Bernie Grant whose death caused the by-election - to win selection.

Mr Lanney is black, middle class, studied at Harvard and works as a barrister.

Mrs Grant is white, working class and might have proved rebellious.

To her enormous credit, she has displayed no bitterness, congratulating Mr Lanney on his win.

But others, such as Labour activist Linda Bellos, have been more candid, saying Mr Lanney was chosen for class reasons.