deleted ZINES: DIGGING THE DIRT ON EX ZINESTERS

A zine by any other name is still a zine.... Unless it's been recycled and is now a cup of coffee.

As I pondered how to pull this column off, (it's the DIY how to issue don't you know) I began to quiver. I mean, logistica I Iy, if you know how to make a zine but have no idea how to delete a zine, you might need to take some entry-level zine courses at your local college. Then I thought about it. Yes the physical act of destruction- piece of cake- but deleting a zine by administrative means might not be as easy as you think.

In general, there are no medicines you can take, or creams you can rub on them. I mean, you could put suntan lotion all over your zine and leave it at the beach. But then people might say you have issues, or are a polymorphous capitalist.

Back to the lecture at hand. In 2002 a library zine collection at the Minneapolis Community Et Technical College was started after Chris Dodge donated almost 1,000 zines from a personal collection. Though this is not deleting a zine by any means, it's a way to isolate them from spreading. "Zines are indexed by author/editor, title and broad subject area and are searchable from an index on the library's web site. All zines are non-circulating, meaning that they must be used in the library only. However, zines may be photocopied."

"Stop making them," declared Billy Mavreas when I asked him how he would in fact delete a zine. We were sitting in his recently refurbished gallery, Monastiraki. Mavreas is about to embark on a tour for his new graphic novel Inside Outside Overlap. The idea of deleting a zine seems to clash with Mavreas's entirety, since he has such an obsession with memorabilia. For the cover of their nostalgia issue, Matrix Magazine used photos of Mavreas as a child posing with Dukes of Hazzards "Boss Hogg." Mavreas (who drew Broken Pencifs beaver many issues ago) is a respected artist in the Montreal community. He co-founded Montreal's small press/zine fair Expozine and manages the renowned gallery/boutique Monastiraki, and has been internationally published in over 200 publications and exhibited in over 40 group/solo shows in Cuba, Slovenia, Greece, the US, Japan and more.

I asked Mavreas if he had any zines or projects he knows he'll never produce but has material for. He shrugs, then a spark billows in his eyes. Can a spark billow? Anyway he tells me that he and his ex-girlfriend had a plan for an art book and sent out a call to 200 artists. After receiving 20 pieces of work: "I still have the work" Mavreas says, "and it's good work. But the couple/creators broke up. So that's definitely one way to delete a zine," Mavreas says with a wry smile.

So perhaps that's the trick, to delete your zine, come up with a project wherein you know there could be problems. It will give you and others something to talk about, as well as cutting down on the actual creation of zines.

QUICK TIPS FOR DELETING ZINES

1. Secretly place little parts of your zine (e.g. table of contents, contributor's bio page, centrefold) in various parts of your workplace, church, house or psychiatrist's waiting room.

2. Tell your zine you are going to take it for a walk. Dump it on a picnic table or near a pile of fermenting books. Make sure the aroma of the zine is much stronger than that of the area where you dump it. This will attract bears.

3. Cut off pieces of the zine while your family is asleep. Put some of it on their pillow and in their coffee grinds. This will make them ponder or scare off anyone in your family from making a zine.

4. Go to your husband/brother/father's side of the medicine cabinet. Replace half of that "facial cleanser for men" that he uses after every bath with a zine, and blame his narcissism, not your zine.

5. Call loved ones. Make some tea. Place an ad in the local paper for zine pick up. When they arrive to pick them up, answer the door in full mourner garb with snotty tissues and red puffy eyes.

6. Spill cooking oil, grease, wine or tomato sauce on the zine and ask for your money back.

7. Intentionally, but acting innocent, place the zine on a busy subway seat.

8. In the same way as when humans die the public is informed through small obituary notices, write press releases and post online declarations that your zine has been officially deleted.

9. Take it to the library. Many libraries might not know what a zine is and may think you're looking to sell crystal meth to the kids on the Internet at the local branch, but some libraries do have a zine contingency. What better way to drop off your remaining stock than by pushing it on the local library?

10. You could also call Ottawa. If anyone knows about deleting things it's them. After all, they start everything, what with all the ISSNs and ISBNs they hand out on the hour.